First Steps

First steps. One of the biggest milestones. On the day of her 10th month, Briley took her first steps toward me after letting go of her activity table.  Naturally it came with a mix of emotions. So exciting! So happy! But oh my baby girl is growing in to a toddler so fast! And then there is the fact that Seth isn't here to see it. I tried to get her to do it while he Skyped us,  but she was too excited to see him on the computer.  I got to tell him about that first magical step, he seen her standing, and I am thankful for that. However, it is just not the same.  I know I should be happy, but I can feel that hole in my heart.

This past week I have been doing well emotionally, with a few hormonal exceptions. I have felt optimistic about time passing by and how soon he will be home.  Tonight I feel like it is light years away.  Tonight, I can feel the miles that are separating me from the man that I love. I feel the time that is separating my family.

But I have to be positive.  By the time he comes home, she will be running into his arms. I think about this a lot. I play it in my mind, over and over. The thought makes me smile. And now that she has taken her first step, we are another step closer to that moment.

-Happy 10 months baby girl. You may be little, but you are my rock. I love you always. We are one step closer.

Bean Stalk

WOW. I cannot get over just how lucky I am.  At the beginning of this deployment, I thought I was the unluckiest. But now I can see how truly blessed I am.  I have a beautiful baby girl, a son on the way, and even though he is not here, I have a husband who is good looking and loves me for all my flaws, and continues to make me a better, stronger person.

Briley is about to be 10 months. Time goes by so fast, and she grows even faster. She is gaining more sounds and they have meaning.  They all start with D. (of course) DADA- dad. Duhh- Duck. Doo- Duke. and Deh Deh Deh- can be anything. She will point to what she wants and say deh deh.

She is also learning the meaning of words.  Today when she woke up from her nap, I asked her where her bunny was; she smiled and picked it up.  If I ask her where the baby is she pats my tummy, and tries to lift my shirt. Don't think she actually understands there's a little brother in there- but its so sweet.

She also throws fits like nothing else.  If she doesn't get what she wants she will stick out her lip, cry, and even hit me!! That is a habit that has got to go.

Every day she amazes me.  We are in the process of introducing solid foods.  Tonight I cut up a few spaghetti noodles for her.  I expected it to be all over her. I was prepared for that, she was striped down to a diaper. But she took that spaghetti and tossed every little piece on to the floor that I had just finished mopping. But I didn't feel unlucky.  I felt happy, and even recorded her pouty face as she watched Duke lick up the noodles off the floor, leaving nasty doggie tongue residue on the polished hardwood floor.

Then, during her bath, she pooped. A lot. In the tub. And I had to laugh. I'm still smiling. It is funny. She just kept on splashing away. I took her out and set her on the rug. Next, cleaned out the tub before starting her bath all over again.  And I laughed.  These are the moments I will miss one day.  Yes, I want Seth home as soon as possible, but I can not wish this time with my baby girl away. Its just me and her for just 10 more weeks, and I want to inhale every second as she learns and grows.

Speaking of Seth, the best husband ever.... He ordered me a Mother's Day present!!! Today at my door was a huge box. Inside was one of the most coveted kitchen appliances in the world. Yes, that's right, I got a kitchen aid mixer. Beautiful, Shiny, and Red. This Mama is ready to bake!!  The first thing on the list: cookies to send overseas.

Beyond words

I wish there was a word beyond thank you. I say thank you to a stranger who holds the door open for me. Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate such random acts of kindness, and it is especially nice while balancing a wiggly 9 month old on a 28 week belly. However, I need words more powerful then that, for something above and beyond.

I was completely shocked when I discovered my usual stroller strides play group that we attend every Friday was actually a baby shower. Never in my life have I been so surprised.

These ladies had planned out this party for weeks!! Without my knowledge! They thought of every little detail to keep it a secret. They planed with my other friends, who joined in on the action. You know what really surprised me? How they kept it a secret for so long without even flinching.

Not only did my friends shower me with a beautiful party, complete with decorations, delicious food, and cupcakes, but the gifts were so touching and personal. Copies of their own children's favorite books to add to our collection. Adorable boy clothes- which I have a hard time finding since I have an eye for little girl clothes. Diapers. Rattles and toys. Warm, snugly blankets.

Then on top of all of these individual gifts, they all pitched in to get me a double jogging stroller. In the card from everyone there was a target gift card with more then enough to get some last odds and ends.

This is above and beyond what I would expect from friendship. This is family. And this deserves above and beyond thank you. I just hope all of you know how much this means to me, and how grateful I am that I have met all of you.

I had a hard weekend, but anytime I felt down I looked at that big box or some of the adorable tiny outfits, and I remembered, I am not alone. Thank you.

Heart Burns

Last night, one of my good friends asked me what I needed for the baby.  Honestly, I don't even know yet.

And out comes a truth:

  I have not planned this.

Briley was planned. She was planned a year before we even started trying to conceive. I planned her outfits, I planned her room, I planned her birth, I planned bringing her home, and I planned our life as a family of 3.
This is very different.  When I seen those 2 pink lines for the first time, I cried. I got Seth to double check.  "But that one is really faint, right? Maybe i need to take another one."  "Maybe I messed it up." Then the second test, "Maybe we need the digital kind.. they are easier to read."  I had knots in my stomach for days- and it wasn't the morning sickness.

I am happy that we are going to have another baby.  Its just the circumstances. The circumstances are why I am stuck in this denial phase. I'm not in denial that I am pregnant; that is pretty obvious. I get plenty of kicks as reminders. But I am avoiding the fact that I am doing this alone.

There are just so many things to worry about; so many things that are necessary to plan out in advance. Being alone with a nine month old and another baby on the way is a pretty complex situation. But when I try to come up with solutions and plans for all of the possibilities when going into labor, I feel overwhelmed, sad, scared, anxious, and seriously stressed.

When I ignore the fact that I will have to do this with my husband on the other side of the globe, I can function. I can be happy with the pregnancy. I can smile.

However, my friend reminded me that planning this is something I need to do.  She also reminded me that I am not alone. I may not have Seth here, but I do have people I can rely on. Thank goodness, because I need them. My family needs them.

Once I have a plan set in stone (with a plan b, and emergency plan) I will feel much better and I know I will have peace of mind.

I just have to get there. 

~Thank you to my friend.

1/3 of the way there.

A Letter for Hallmark

To Whom It May Concern regarding Gift Books from Hallmark,

I am writing because I noticed on the back of our recordable story book that if it was touching in some way, you would love feedback. 

                My name is Marisa Prosser, and I would like to share our family’s story with our first recordable book.  When my husband deployed our daughter was six months old, and I was three months pregnant. Wanting to keep our daughter connected with her dad, I purchased All the Ways I Love You recordable story book and mailed it to him overseas.  He recorded the story he mailed it back.  I will always treasure the moment when our nine month old first heard her dad’s voice reading to her.  The story is now part of our nightly routine. She also sleeps with the “Until We Hug Again Bunny” so her dad can wish her sweet dreams every night before bed.

 I plan on buying more recordable books for my husband to record, as well as the “Until We Hug Again Bear.”  In July we will have a son and I plan to play the story books and bear for him, so he is familiar with his dad when my husband returns home.

While our family is growing and my husband is away, I am so thankful for these special ways to keep connected.  These books and stuffed animals will also be keepsakes as our children grow up.  I would like to thank you, and invite you to see the video of my daughter and I listening to our first story book: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4R2x8G687E. My family and I will always be grateful.

Sincerely,

Marisa Prosser

As Moonlight Through the Pines...

Georgia is an all around kinda state.  There is a little bit of everything for everybody.  I never realized how nice it was until I left it, but how can you know if you don't try something new.  New York is okay, really. Just too cold.  I have never had a real support system besides my family, however here I do. I am so grateful but seriously, it is cold here!! Did anyone else hear the weather forecast today? High near 50? Sunshine? I want to know where this was, because I was freezing and went grocery shopping in the snow.

So, back to Georgia... I had a good trip. It really went by fast.  It was good seeing my family again, especially my parents.  I consider myself very lucky to have grown up with both Mom and Dad, who both supported me, (and still do) and guided me to be a good person in a world of crazy. I already miss them.  I really enjoyed getting to do the same things we always do together. Shopping with mom, watching the Braves opening game with Dad, and of course eating some chicken, fried.

It is hard to believe that I'm back already. The trip was something to work towards. Now that its over, there is nothing in the near future to look forward to.  My next big event is bringing our baby boy into the world, and that is 15 weeks away.  LONG weeks. The more pregnant you get, the slower it goes.

Keeping busy helps, so I have been very productive the past two days.  Thursday I spent way too much money on things I needed around the house and today I spent way too much money on groceries.  I have installed soft edges around the coffee table, put together a walker, and cleaned out the future playroom (not including the closet). I organized and filed away a years worth of paper work, and put together a box for Seth. It just needs some freshly baked PB &chocolate chip cookies and it will be ready to go!

Speaking of boxes, Seth sent us a box. It had a recorded story book and plush bunny for Briley.  Oh my goodness that baby's eyes light up when daddy's voice reads her the book. And when she hears daddy as she hugs the bunny she gets the biggest toothless smile I have ever seen.  I cried. Tonight, after she went to bed, I hugged the bunny, and had just uncontrollable tears listening to his voice.  I had an involuntary smile as well. Tomorrow I am going to record her listening to the story. I think I am going to write Hallmark and tell them how wonderful it is.

Maybe I will post the letter as a blog entry, too.

I miss Seth more and more as I watch Briley grow and my pregnancy progresses. I wish he could hold her hands as she does little side steps in a circle. I wish he could feel our son kicking. But I am so thankful that Seth is mine. I wouldn't trade this life. Every tear and lonely night, every exhausting day, and every hard obstacle I have to conquer alone, will be worth the moment when we are together again.

It is another day closer.

Picking up my gloves

Well, I'm here to type up a new blog entry.  I am not feeling very positive today, which is why I am writing. Writing a blog will force me to think positive.  Each night I want to think of 3 things that I am thankful for, or made me happy THAT day... this practice will remind me that there is happiness during deployment. As I said in an earlier post, I do not want to miss out on happy moments because I am focused on being down. So even on the down days, I need to think of 3 good things from that day. 

1. I had a great workout this morning! Even though I feel like a manatee trying to do squats, or a cow trying to do a plank,(and cardio is pretty much impossible) I feel so good afterwards. I also love the company of other moms and adorable babies.  I love that I get to do this with Briley.

2. I talked to Seth.  Even though we didn't talk long because the Internet cut off (2nd day in a row..UGH) I heard from him and I know he is well, and he knows that Briley is growing by the minute. lol.

3. At&t overnighted me a new air card FRIDAY, and I got it TODAY. The positive aspect to this annoyingly long wait is that is is working so far, which makes me happy.

 

 

-Tomorrow I am picking up my gloves.