Valentine

So I got to talk to Seth today, and to be completely honest, (which is why I started a blog) he pissed me off. To avoid getting to personal, and to keep things short- I think talking on facebook is a lot of the problem.  He wanted me to describe the broken fence, and some paper work, which is hard to do for me, especially when I'm trying to type it in a facebook message on my phone. So I think we were both getting annoyed.  As I was waiting for a reply I decided to bring my dog in. I had him by the collar when I unleashed him, and he twisted my arm, and pulled me to knees in the slushy, dirty, driveway snow. He freed himself from my grasp and took off.  While I was chasing him down Seth replied and I couldn't respond until I had the escapee back in the house.  I explained what happened, but he was even more annoyed that he has to "wait on me to respond." Which in turn made me more upset that he wasn't more understanding of the situation.  From then on it was a rather annoying and unpleasant conversation.  He just wanted to discuss business- taxes, bills, and whatnot, while I wanted him to ask if I was okay and tell me how much he loved me and missed me.

I think that he thinks that I have it easy.. I mean all I do is sit at home and take care of a baby. I don't think he understands the stress of dealing with every day life without him here. And then taking care of all of the things that he usually does, like taxes, bills, broken gates, frozen pipes, broken furnaces, shoveling and deicing. I'm not used to all this crap.  And although I LOVE every second of staying at home to raise my daughter, it is by no means easy.

At first, I was really stressed and upset that we "argued." We don't get to talk very much and we wont see each other again for a long time, so when I have the opportunity to talk to him, I should be thankful and enjoy the time and conversation that I get.

But as the day went on, I am thinking- its normal.  We are both stressed. We are now on different pages, in different situations.  In addition, we get in normal marital arguments while he is home, why is this any different? I found a website that I really like that discussed the matter.

"Fighting during deployment is MORE than normal. Maybe there are a few couples that don't fight but I'm sure they have their own issues. Healthy couples know how to argue and move forward. You're both in difficult yet contradicting situations and both of you are looking for someone to understand, you're stressed, you're alone. Things aren't always going to be rainbows & butterflies & that's okay."
 

That quote makes me feel better. I love Seth more than anything, but sometimes we don't agree, or irritate each other and I think that's a normal part of any relationship. The key is moving forward.


To celebrate Valentine's Day, I am going to eat lunch with the other ladies whose Valentines are deployed. I am looking forward to it, and I think it will be a good time.

-Moving forward.

 Happy Valentine's Day

 

Much to Write about NOTHING

Its been uneventful these past couple of days, even with Winter Storm NEMO. Friday I had an OB apt, but I assume the office was closed because they would not answer the phone and everything on post was closed for the day. I was very disappointed because I like the Dr. that I had an apt. with and I was really hoping she would give me an early glance at baby boy or baby girl parts.

I would guess we got about a foot or so- but I am no snow expert. It snowed all night, all day, and all night again. Saturday It was sunny and beautiful, and by 11am my neighbor had snow-blown and shoveled me out.

Other then that... that's about it. I hate weekends now. HA! I would have NEVER said that a year ago. Now without Seth they are slow and lonely, and SLOW. I should clean. Well I caught up on some laundry, but I should have done more. I am seriously lacking some motivation.

Headaches aren't helping me get things done around here. I used to get complicated migraines all of the time, but around my 2nd trimester with Briley they pretty much stopped until I had her. Well now I'm getting headaches, and i can't take anything but Tylenol. I used to have 4 different prescriptions which didn't help, so I don't have a lot of faith in regular Tylenol.. I try to catch them right away- medicate and drink extra water, then hope for the best. I am hoping they stop soon like they did in my first pregnancy.

I am glad the weekend is over. On to another week! A week of plans! A week to get moving and closer to marking a month off the calender!

I am surprised I wrote this much about pretty much nothing... is anyone reading? That's kinda good though, nothing crazy has happened to write about. Just usual life- loving on my baby, and missing my handsome husband.

Its gonna be okay though because we are 3 weeks closer to being together again.

Flamingo

After hitting the 2 week mark, I've felt myself slowly drifting down. Dealing with deployment is a chiche emotional roller-coaster, where the gravity of being separated just wants to bring you down, but with the science of optimism you try to keep going up- only to go down again.  There's even crazy twists, turns, and loops.  Now get on that roller-coaster pregnant with an infant.

I want to be happy. But sometimes it's just so damn hard.  It would be so much easier to just stay in bed.  Luckily I have a sweet giggly baby that needs me to keep moving.

I had somewhat of a wake up call around 4:00 this afternoon.  I was still wearing sweats. I still had bed head from sleeping with damp hair, I had only accomplished one load of laundry and cleaning out the vacuum.  Briley was wearing just a onesie and socks.  To top it all off, I was sitting on the couch eating a can of strawberry flavored cake frosting with a butter knive. 

WHAT THE FLAMINGO am I doing?  I am letting myself sit here and be sad! I am letting myself get down. And even though the frosting was very yummy, I'm sure its not considered a pregnancy super food.

I wrote a shopping list with a blue crayon, and even though it was 24 degrees out, I bundled up my little bundle of joy and we got out of the house.

I've talked to some of the other ladies, whose husbands are with mine. And surprise, they have been feeling like they're kinda in a rut, too. I wonder if its like a preset timeline. Or maybe its the miserable weather. Either way, I feel good knowing that I am not alone. Not at all. Its good to know what I'm feeling is normal.

I am glad I have plans for tomorrow.  I need to have plans. I need to stay busy. I DO NOT need to wear sweats all day and sit.  I'm going to workout in the morning, and I am so thankful for my stollerstrides group.  I will feel so much better after MOVING.

Today is Briley's 7 month Birthday. Can you believe it?!?! 7 MONTHS!!!

Pickles & cookies

Today started off a little depressing, as my shopping trip to get care package supplies has a weather delay. The forecast says snow until Tuesday. YUCK.  I really didn't get much done today. In fact, I'm lucky I brushed my hair and put clothes on. 

I laid Briley down for a nap and instead of working on the mountain of laundry I had waiting, I decided to catch up on "Next Great Baker." I would LOVE to learn how to decorate cakes.

  So, anyway, while I was watching, Seth facebooked me, and it was so good to talk to him. He was even able to get skype working for a few minutes! I brought the phone up to Briley's room so he could see her.  When she heard his voice she woke up, which was good because she got to see her daddy. It really made my heart literally melt.

Here's the best part: Briley used her crib to pull herself up for the first time! All by herself!! AND SETH GOT TO SEE IT!!!

IT MADE MY DAY!!!

He also got to see her petting Duke (which I think made his day.)

DEPLOYMENT SUCKS. But life is about the little moments, the ones that melt your heart. I don't want to miss a single happy moment because I am feeling sad or sorry for myself.  Although that is kinda unavoidable all of the time, I am determined to at least keep my head up.

Tomorrow we celebrate 2 weeks down!

Blown Away

This morning the North Country was experiencing some seriously high winds.  I was under the assumption that the snow wouldn't hit until this afternoon, so Briley and I were getting ready to go meet up with some friends for a "bitch and stitch."

Following our morning routine, we got dressed and then Briley played in her exersaucer while I fed Duke and prepared the diaper bag.  When Duke finished his breakfast, I let him out to the backyard as usual.  Next, I gathered my things and loaded up the car. It was freezing out after having such a warm day yesterday.  The wind was blowing every one's trash and recyclables down the street. After I started the car to get it warmed up, I glanced down the road only to see my own dog bouncing full speed toward me. 

HOW DID HE GET OUT?!?!
 

I grabbed him by the collar and lead him back inside before heading to the backyard to inspect the gate.  The wind had blown the gate off of the latch... its hard to explain, but the latch was screwed on to the gate. It was still latched, but the gate was blown off the screws and pushed into the backyard.  I have a rope as a temporary fix. And honestly, out of everything that has happened since Seth left, this not at all one of the worst things to happen. Although, it is very annoying.

 Briley is still very inconsolable and cranky. There is still no signs of a tooth.  Maybe she just really misses her daddy.  We are going to start collecting things for a Valentine themed care package and that makes me excited.  I like to set the box out and slowly fill it up as I fidn things I think Seth would want, need or enjoy, or even things that made me think of him.  I can't wait to send it...

Well my poor baby is awake already. She usually doesn't wake up until after 10.  Looks like another long sleepless night at the Prosser House.

One less day.

I Hate White Tile.

Well, I haven't heard from Seth today, which means I will probably have a restless night.  I wake up constantly, jump up and check my phone and the computer to make sure I didn't miss anything. In addition, I think Briley is teething and one might really pop up this time. 

I want to know why anyone in their right mind would use white tile. Especially in the kitchen. Seriously?  I also have white tile in my mud/dog room. The bathroom isn't so bad, but seriously, white tile? ugh. The only thing worse then white tile in the kitchen is white counters!

On the bright side, last night I felt some "Fluttering" which is the turnip sized baby moving around! It is one of the best feelings. Its so nice compared to the forceful jabs in the ribs that I will be feeling all too soon. I swear Briley wanted to get her toes in between my ribs.

Also, I had a lovely lunch at Panera (MMMMMMmmmm) with the ladies whose husbands are also on Seth's team.  We had some pleasant (and not so pleasant) conversations, and its always nice to talk to people who are in the same situation you are.

I was looking on pinterest today and getting some great ideas on how to tell Seth the gender of our baby. I have so many ideas now I cant decide which one I want to do!! Either way, when I find out, it will be a secret until Seth finds out, and he will find out in a "gender reveal care package."  Oh I cant wait!!

That's about all that is on my scattered mind for now.
Today is done, and I'm another day closer to having him home!

Finding happiness

OKAY so now that I have started a blog, I'm not too sure where to go with it. Honestly, I thought writing out some feelings might help me keep my emotions and hormonal imbalances in check. HAHA yeah right.

Well, to start off, I have to say THANK YOU.  I had a friend come over today and help me put up a baby gate.  Also, I am pretty sure my neighbor is shoveling my driveway for me. My mom sent me a whole box of formula for Briley! I am so thankful for people who care. I have never had so much support around me.  I know if I need anything, there is someone I can count on. It is so relieving!

Briley has been very cranky- to the point of screaming and I cant figure out why. Babies are usually easy to figure out when they are crying. I run through a check list in my head.

Diaper? Hungry? Hot? Cold? Sleepy? Wanting attention? fever? hurting?
 

Once I go through the whole list of things that may be ailing my sweet baby, I come to a stressed out loss.  I found myself there today. We got a clean diaper, she ate squash, took a warm bath, no fever... I played with her, I rocked her. She still cried. Maybe shes teething. At a loss, I sat down by the computer, and pulled up an old video that I have saved for years. I held her to my chest and rocked her as Seth popped up on the screen and started talking.

Briley instantly stopped crying. I continued rocking her as her eyes glued to the computer. She squealed.  I let the video repeat over and over and I smiled.  It makes me so happy that she loves her Daddy so much. Her capacity for love simply amazes me.

I miss Seth. So much. But I am so happy I have her, my mini Seth, I am so happy I have another child on the way. I am so happy that when Seth returns home we will have our whole family together.
That thought keeps me happy. I am so happy, and so in love.

I cant wait to see Briley's reaction when she can see her Daddy on skype!
Hopefully, she wakes up with a tooth in the morning.

Here's to another day down.